Journal #2: Brooke Culbertson

A few weeks ago at a dinner party, I met a woman who was ending a twenty-year acting career and planning to become a teacher. For an hour I watched her entertain the people around her with stories about the theatre and the thrill of being onstage, but when asked to compare her acting career to her new one, I was startled by her response. She said, “I feel so much more effective teaching. Acting is all about me, me, me, but teaching is a way to connect with other people and help them grow.” I was shocked. With only a few words, I felt that this woman had just denounced the way of life I aim to live, and she was completely unjustified. To think acting was only for “me, me, me,” it was no wonder why she had given it up. I cannot imagine a more personal connection than what an actor has with an audience, or a more community-based atmosphere than that of the theatre.
If I were asked to sum up all that I feel for acting in one word, it would be trust—most importantly in the audience. This ability to trust is more meaningful to me than anything else because in everyday life, I have very little trust in people. Being a very private person, I rarely display private emotions or concerns around anyone but a few select individuals. When acting, however, I have to trust the audience to accept every little detail of who my character is, details that I would never reveal to another person in real life. My character is forced to put herself at the mercy of the audience’s criticism with a sense of vulnerability that I lack. If I am truly connected on an emotional level with the audience, the others on stage with me, and my character, I know that I am doing my job. And without those connections there would be no illusion of acting. My greatest goal as an actress is to be able to enhance the audience’s mind: whether it is through an idea, a memory, an opinion, or a sense of sympathy. The moments I am inspired the most as an actor are actually when I am in the audience—when I am forced to change my mind over an issue or a view on a character because an actor convinces me—and I could imagine nothing more thrilling than to give that to someone else. For me, there is nothing more personal than acting.